The day I didn’t die (one of the many) 5 years after the car crash
Today is the five year anniversary of the car crash that could’ve killed us. I didn’t die. We didn’t die. Although I feel grateful every day (and I prove it by doing a gratitude journal every day) life gets in the way.
It’s almost impossible forcing yourself to feel grateful some times. And even though you have things to thank for, the ones that put you down seem heavier.
I have a lot of things to be grateful. First and foremost: I am alive. I breathe and I am a conscious being. I live my life mindfully (most of the time) but there’s too many things that make me forget about the most important things.
It’s curious how life gets in the way, how it sucks your energy for the most stupid reasons. How you go back in time to that moment you looked to your left and saw the driver alive and ckecked you had every single part of your body intact.
And then you notice: yes, I am grateful. Yes, I am alive and breathing. Yes to everything, but there’s more to life than being alive.
Your mind rushes to a process of what ifs. They seem infinite and awful and they hurt you as if they have passed. Because your mind can’t distinguish between reality and imagination when it comes to sending messages to your body.
That’s why I don’t allow myself to go back to that day, to that night, to that car, to that feeling. Because if I do, like I am doing now, I start crying. I feel the fear I felt. And although I feel incredibly grateful and connected to the universe thanks to that day on the road…it hurts too much feeling like I did.
I wouldn’t be who I am if it wasn’t for that car crash. I wouldn’t have learnt many things. I wouldn’t have understood how everything happens for a reason, even if we try to deny it.
Life is full of lessons and for a long time I’ve been getting too many lessons regarding my health. Including the car incident.
When I talk to people about many of the stuff that has been happening to me thoughout the years, which I do with a pinch of humor and taking some weight off the whole thing, people often say: « Wow! That is bad luck. I don’t know how you keep smiling after all that happened to you. How can you be so optimistic? »
When people used to ask me this, they made me reflect and I thought: « Yeah! How come I can be so optimistic after all this shit? »
Well, my loves, the answer is simple. All those stupid bumps on the road didn’t kill me. I survived, and thus…they made me stronger.
Yes, it feels heavy. Yes it hurts. Yes, it’s difficult. But again, I didn’t die. And that means I have a life. That means I choose to live in gratitude and not as a victim. Because life is abundant and everything we get from it is fine. Even if it feels terrible. It’s fine because we are experiencing and you can’t control many of the things that happen and how they happen to you.
The most beautiful thing is that you can control how you feel about what happens. But I don’t like the word control, actually. You can decide. You can change how you feel. Because I allow myself to feel sad, heavy, tired, alone and lost sometimes but then I make a decision: « Do i want to feel like this all day? Do I want to linger in the sadness? »
Sometimes it takes me more. Sometimes it’s in the blink of an eye. Sometimes it takes me a whole blog post to change how I feel. The important thing is to be aware of your possiblilities and finding your own tools. I’ve found mine.
I’d like to finish this post by saying thank you. The gratitude month is finishing and I’m specially excited this year to celebrate Christmas. It’s been some difficult 5 years, but I wouldn’t trade them for anything. I am exactly where I need to be and a wonderful day is waiting for me. I am doing what I want now, I am writing and enjoying the process of writing. Now is everything. NOW IS PERFECT. ALWAYS.
PS: If you’ve been feeling sad, hurt and lonely for a long time and you need help dealing with it, search for help.
I offer coaching sessions if you need them anytime. Ask me anything about them, I’m here to help. I hope you are feeling wonderful, though ♥️